


Disturbing child

by tomoko707



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Confusion, Hanji as babysitter, Hesitation, Levi as babysitter, M/M, Pedophilia, Reincarnation, Shotacon, feeling strange, older levi, very younger eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5504729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomoko707/pseuds/tomoko707
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is hopelessly in love with Eren. But in this world he is not there. While Levi suffers, and try to forget. He saw him. He was in front of him. But he could not talk. Because the worst happen and he don't know what to do. He is only confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ! It's my first work on AO3. If you reading now thank you very much for reading my work.

Tonight, it was unbearable, I have been broken. The frustration had built up for too long. As soon as I walked in my door I had taken refuge in my room and I was collapsed on my bed. The anger I felt was too strong, too distant. Stifling my face in the pillow, I was screaming at full lung, the sound captured by the padded fabric. My arms were shaking while my hands were looking for more grip on the pillow. The energy that aroused my rage has elapsed into me brutally. And uncontrollably, my body was spasm and weakness overtaking me, a sob escaping me.

 

34 years I keep thinking about him, I try to erase him from my memory, I suffer for his absence in my life. 34 years I have been said to me that he would be in an other part of the earth, and he was already dead, I was desperate to see him seeing that nothing was as before and in this life I was the only one to remind me the fucking stupid giant monsters.

 

This old life that continues to haunt me, still does also stops me keep this immeasurable love that I have for him. Eren. Damn, during childhood already I spoke only of him, the only flanged drawing that I could do was related to him, I pushed all the advances I received, thinking only about him, all I was doing revolved around him. I asked my parents every Christmas, a holidays in the four corners of the world in the hope to see him again.

 

And then, it took that today, I was told that I was working with a guy named Eren. My blood turned wildly, my heart was galloping away, I hoped like hell. And it was not even him. All his opposite. The same first name, but another person. Just an old man with hair and black eyes.

 

The event managed to undermine me all day and make me relapse, the recent days. I had never so much regretted the absence of Eren before. It threw me in pain terribly, I wanted to shout his name in all the rooms, call him for help, craving him to come. I wanted to see him again.

 

I want to see this intense look that made me forget on the moment my resentment. I want to find the warmth of his arms that encircling me in the evening, bringing me a better sleep. I want to again hear his laughter that were able to make me smile even only barely.

 

I like him as damn, but he is not present in this life and this breaks me completely.

 

 

It had been one week that my new colleague arrived. Call him by his first name was always a too difficult thing and even see him, automatically sent me to the ghostly memory of Eren. My work seemed even more oppressive. I constantly had ants in the limbs and my nervousness was exacerbated. The people around me, advised me to rest. It is true that I do not sleep much, I can not count the times I woke up at night in a burst unable to lie down again.

 

Recently, I was thinking about it, it was not a life to wear me and torturing me every time for "my past" or whatever. I had forgotten to concentrate on my present life. Although Eren always sound like a distant dream, he has longer needed to be my vital center. I started running in the morning to think about something else and the same time leaving a little out of my house. But deep down, I felt a part of me was still strongly attached to Eren.

 

Eren Eren, Eren, that name kept turning into my lips, and I do not know how to get rid of it.

 

 

Growing up, I was more calm, it still hurt, but i was damn calmer. I took with me less, and I was detach just over his strange memories. I was not looked anymore evening strange emissions talking about reincarnation. When last year I met Hanji, I just approach on "Titan" subject adrift and I was satisfied with a slight smile when she laughed at me saying that I had become as crazy as she.

 

I do not embarked in fights when it was said I'd never known love. I just nodded my head, fully nodding their statements. It was not always the case.

 

Previously, around the age of 5 years, there were a boy with whom I could talk freely about all the things that haunted me. He had an imaginary friend, so also people laughed at these stories, he understood me. One day I had the courage to broach the subject of Eren, telling him how much I loved her. Then I was emit my desire to see him again. It had frozen and had gravely replied me "But Levi, he does not exist. ". It was like my best friend and these words were clumsy, but at the time it was so outrageous to me that I had beaten violently repeating in loop that he existed.

 

It was ridiculous. Even now I wonder how I could be as weak and vulnerable.

 

 

 

Today my work day was worse than usual, from the first moment a horrible headache had taken me. So I returned home earlier. But looking at my bed placed in my room, the very idea of there stay all day gave me chills of anguish. So quickly I had changed my wear, removing my heavy clothes to put on a tank top and a stretching gray jooging.

 

My body made me feel the need to run. In a quick movement I was put on a jacket and came out of my apartment as fast as I had entered it.

 

The municipality where I lived was quite large and vast. But the scenery was the thing that had me convinced me to install. The streets were paved made to the authentic look and not far from my building there were an alley where a stretched lake overlooking a clean park. I like this place, running allowed me to enjoy it as I never wandered here. I did not like to walk because I did not like walking aimlessly, it seemed to me meaningless.

 

A too full of bitter feelings resurfaced and to evacuate it immediately I ran at a much faster pace. For once I had continued on along the lake instead of forking the corner. However, I soon regretted my choice when a kid had taken in my legs. Luckily her mother had apologized bringing him to her. But suddenly a crowd of people blocking my way. And turning my eyes, I saw that in front of the sidewalk was a primary school. You surprise me that there is crowd.

 

An irritated sigh escaped me face to so many people. I could fight my way at jostling people, but see the kids running around seemed like the worst thing in the world, I did not want to deal with that. So I had wisely decided to go back the other way.

 

However, my body was frozen instantly heard in the mass a laugh that seemed too familiar, too distant, too crystalline. My blood had bubbled. It is not possible. The sound seemed so unreal that my ears were buzzing. It's impossible, it can not be that.

 

It took me a moment to the shock falls on me. Immediatly, I was out of my paralysis and I was looking forward to that sound in a desperate momentum.

 

No possible, that laugh was from Eren. Sometimes I was doubt me in false hopes. But now that I heard it, I never felt so sure in my life. My heart was racing at breakneck speed at the mere idea of him can be here. Impossible, unthinkable. If living in this neighborhood, I would have seen, no, no, what I said, I never went out here.

 

How did I miss that?

Whereas, I watched all share in the small courtyard to find him, my mind tangled in all directions. If he was there, what was he, a teacher, a parent, a brother?

 

Suddenly laughter resurfaced and my eyes widened with fear facing the view.

 

Should I feel alive or dead?

 

 

It's a joke.

 

Eren Jäger was there, he was standing in the yard away from me, it was his laugh.

 

I had a dry breath on seeing him.

 

But a thick blur was formed before me, I was lost, confused. I thought about this day so many times in my life I had imagined so many things. And the worst anguish I had, was the horror he can not love me.

 

If I had known ... that the real problem was different. I was so far from this.

 

It was certainly well Eren.

 

It was not schoolmaster, father of a child, or brother. The child was him.

 

And suddenly a frightening question pushed strong in me. Did I even have the right to love him ?

 


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to publish the next chapter. Even if i'm busy with all my exam for the first semester, it's real freedom to be able to write. Thank you for reading me and leaving kudos, it makes my day !!

Eren was there, he was alive. I witnessed, helpless, at his bursts laughter, his gestures abrupt and restless. The desire to escape tucked in my stomach, but I was frozen to the ground, I did not have the audacity to escape.I could hardly realize that it was him, but especially, I did not understand. Why ? Why it had to be so young?

I had always wanted to see him again, I hoped so much. I was sure to love him more than anyone. But then, what was I supposed to do? I can not decently point me in front of him and talk to him as if nothing had happened. An unknown older man like me, talking with a child, that's weird. Anyone would think like that. And then why I speak to him? This is a kid, from all points of view. His features are rounded, he does not even make 47"2, even his uniform is childish with its pastel colors. I could not even imagine me coming toward him with all my love, it makes me sick just thinking about it. It's disgusting.

I tried to step back, but my balance had become fragile, so I was caught up awkwardly. Gasping, I was trapped in this situation.Then, the following seconds seemed so long that weighed in my chest.

"Eren" I briefly turned around to see a young woman calling behind me. But what made my heart fool at breakneck speed, it was when he walked towards us with a bright smile. Something dangerous in me seemed agitated to this vision.

In the process to join his mother, surely, he passed beside me, brushing me lightly without even noticing me. The simple contact, had thrilled me any part. My whole body at that time, had shouted to me to hold him, to surround him with my arms, tighten him hard against me, kissing her hair ...

What was I thinking? 

Panicked by the elements too sudden, I turned around, running to return at home. I had resisted the temptation to turn around to look at him. I had never to return here, I had never to see him again.

 

My new colleague, the famous "Eren" was a moron. I was going up to doubt the master in public law he claimed to hold. Today, when we prepared the new contract with one of the companies with which our company is related, he had applied the law on associations. It is new and making mistakes is trivial, but it irritated me particularly. 

I did not want to admit it myself, but my nervousness was not without influence with the event of the other day.

"Mr. Hartinger, when you get into a business, the idea is not to do a job, neither did nor do. " 

He merely nodded, stammering excuses.Then, I reinstalled myself in my seat, holding my leaves, before my eyes. My grip tightened nervously. A sudden voltage oppressed me. Damn. Really sucks. Why a child, why? Life can really be a bitch.

There were so many opportunities, so many obstacles that may be present. But this one was one of the worst. Why it took that one? Basically, I was happy to know he was alive, he was around me ... I even want to see him again. However, what he meant to me? Basic, I'm in love with him.

But being in love with a five years old child ...? 

Without even, ethics which is imposed, my conscience does not allow me. I would be ashamed to sexualize a kid, no worse, it would make me want to vomit. I'm stuck, I can do nothing. I can not be allow to see him, he can not be tie to me, it would become quickly unhealthy.

Out of my mind I noticed it was time for my lunch break. So I put my stuff, before heading towards the company's restaurant. On the way, I met a colleague, who hastened to run to my side, Hanji. 

"Ooh Levi !! It's rare to catch you in the corridors. Tell me you're okay? Your face seem quite upset. "She just began barely lift his hand to my face, that with dry eyes, I had dissuaded her from that. I absolutely hate it when people touch me.But since she was accustomed to my behavior a bit cold, so she will not hold it against me, something that I appreciate. 

I listened as half an ear, his usual blabber about his day. Or rather, all the technical details of his research. Hanji was aeronautical engineer, and honestly I had not chosen this company for its aircraft. Once we arrived near the trays, she stopped these explanations preferring to comment on the food like "Levi looks, this cream puffs to look too good" or "Levi you want to take the grapes to me? ". 

But again, his remarks escape me, I was stopped me watching juice brick before me. A brick eh? I had hardly looked away quickly to advance. I had to forget about it. Yes, forget is the best thing to do. We had settled on a small table, and despite myself I was still immersed in my problems. I turned in my hand the small bottle of water that I had bought, with a distracted gaze. But Hanji, released me from my time of absence.

"Levi, are you listening? ". I answer no, I did not listen. She laughed heartily, she was not making head for it. "I told you I had found an additional job. "Putting my bottle in front of me, I answered to her not very motivated.

"It's nice for you. "She rolls her eyes before walking towards me with excitement.

"Not but what enthusiasm. Guess what ? I'll be babysitting part time, moreover the kid is adorable !! "A bitter laugh came out, all alone. 

"Poor kid ..." My remark made her laugh a lot, I will never understand this girl. However, it was bright and quite open-minded and often, which is annoying, she's always right. She was one of my few friends, and if she sometimes annoys me in the end she is important to me, but I would never say it to her, pride, and then I'm pretty sure she knows. 

Meeting his gaze, I had seen a particular gleam in his eyes. Judging by the brightness, she wanted to ask me something. "Go to birth. "A smile full already tucked his lips.

"Hey, Levi, will you come with me tonight. I'll get the kid I told you, I'd really like to introduce you. "I strained myself at the time, I do not know if I was ready to see a kid, not right now. Even before I did not like children, basicly. My answer was categorical.

" No. "She automatically made a very ugly face. 

"Oh come on, I'll give you tea I brought back from England. "I had a weary breath, it is true that I loved tea. And there was no denying that tea from England had a special flavor.

"Oh come on, I'll give you tea I brought back from England. "I had a weary breath, it is true, I loved the tea. And there was no denying that of England had a special flavor.

"Well, but I will not stay too long. "She thanked me, and then dropped a soothing silence. She seemed really happy that I accompany her. Nevertheless, for some reason unknown to me I felt bad about the project, a bad feeling.

In the evening, I climbed into the car of Hanji, to accompany her to recover the child she was kept. However, over the journey, the road borrowed seemed too familiar. It took a while before realizing it was not far away from my home. No, it should not still be that school? My life can not be comical at this point? When she stopped, my fears were true. This same façade with soft colors, I had a feeling of uneasiness, just to watch it. Hanji made us get out of the car, I walked slowly toward the building. My heartbeat quickened, as and measurement, from steps. Worse anxiety than others moved, while her and I were waiting in the cold. Weakly, my voice rose in the fresh air.

"Tell me Hanji, his name the kid? "She turned for a time that seemed horribly long, then into a big smile she exposed me to my haunting.

« Eren Jäger. »

My gaze was deported before me. I had just had no reaction. My brain had probably fled reality. I do not even want to know how I felt over this revelation. And I sincerely hoped my numb limbs, were only due to the cold. 

The bell rang, and unconsciously my body tensed. See many children out at once into the yard did not help at all. Maybe, he was already in the yard. No, I did not want to think about it. I plunged my hands into my pockets and I was shifting slightly back. I anticipated the arrival of the kid, I did not want to be too close to him. Near ... she would introduce me anyway right? Face what I wanted to go back?

"EREN !! "All my senses were awakened when Hanji called him. I do not even dare to look at the kid coming. But by the surrounding sound, I knew he had thrown himself to Hanji arm. I was a statue, it all went wrong. I wanted to go home. I should not have agreed to come here. I jumped when he felt the hand of Hanji land on my shoulder. Swallowing I turned to her, avoiding as much as possible to lower my gaze on the child.

"Levi I present Eren. Eren, he is a friend from work, he working in justice. "Forced by the events I was forced to look into the eyes Eren. And I-

Fuck. 

Disturbed was not even an adequate word to describe what I felt face these blue eyes that peered me. Those eyes ... that intensity ... it was those of Eren. The same, until to the last shining gloss. I did not even tell my shape when he presented me his hand. 

“Nice to meet you Mister Justice !”His whole face lit up with a bright smile. He looked at me me. He held out his hand to me, she expected to be reinforced in a handful. I swallowed dry. He looked so much like a porcelain doll, I did not dare touch him, yet he waited to my hand. With the most awkward movement of the world I advanced my hand to him. I was leading off. However, when I felt her tiny, plump hand in mine, I felt a thrill of terror that brought me back to reality.

This is a child.

My fingers are retracted immediately. Suddently, my eyes dislodged from his. I had looked at a point in space, hoping Hanji does not notice my sudden discomfort. She could see everything, no way she realizes it. I must forget all that, I must never see him again. I can no longer, to be sure of myself with him, I will not answer anything. This is bad, very bad. I have to leave quickly. I have to go… 

"Hanji, I'll go, it is more reasonable as well. I wish you a good night. "The leak was never my genre, but in some situations it was inevitable. However, I had barely taken a step, I felt a grip on my wrist. She held me. Cut in my tracks, I felt all the more pressing need to leave. I felt bad, I did not want to pass a second longer with this kid who disturbed me too much, more than morality permits me. I do not want my thoughts start to become more strange.

But his hand was still wrapped around my wrist. So I took on me and brought my legs up to her. However, when I spoke, an angry tone remained.

" What do you want ? You can not let people go home quietly? ". She coughed slightly, probably to make me watch my language in front of the kid. Just this detail made me dizzy. From the corner of my eye I saw her stoop near Eren, and suddenly she wedged her arms under him to hoist him up. I display a neutral apparence, but the gesture had caused panic inside me. She turned to him with an unusually tender smile.

"Eren you say goodbye to Levi? ". I had not blinked a meter. I realized too late that he had immediately leaned close to me, kissing my cheek. I really did not need to know the feel of his lips a little wet on my skin. He retired him stealthily leaving me disoriented. 

"Goodbye Levy. "His tone was slightly low than the time before. And at the time, I was confused by the almost total similarity that the voice I knew. Shit ... shit ... shit. I did not want that. It's not like me, but what am I doing. Let me destabilized by a child, how far I lose myself with this story? 

I welcomed Hanji briefly before leaving the scene in a hurry. And I noticed me with shame, that even my legs hardly standing balance, facing the emotional shock. 

Please tell me it's a lie...


End file.
